I was on Blogher yesterday, and I had an emotional response to a post. It was a post from a younger woman who had not been home for Christmas in 6 years, how she hoped for this every year, and to be with her boyfriend, and someday a family of her own. Instead she was going to spend the holiday in the city with her friend and go out on the town. And you know, it sounded great, she sounded sad, but compensating for it in fine fashion.
Well I had this emotional trigger to this and I was thinking “WHY?!?!” This woman sounded like she had the financial, mental and emotional strength to see her family, why was she not making it happen? And not for one or two years, but for six straight years?!
So I discussed this with Dan, and he said, well it’s a blog, people like to expound about their life, that’s what a blogs usually about, and why was I surprised?
And he’s right.
I thought about it more, and I think the reason I have this trigger (and it’s a new one for me), is that in the last four years I’ve had 3 significant people in my life die. Four years ago, my grandfather, two years ago, my other grandfather (with whom I lived with one year while I was in college), then this year my Mother’s second husband, stepfather. These were all great men, who brought the world (at least my world) wisdom and strength, and they have left big holes in my family – as
all loved ones who die tend to do. I think this irrational response I had (I really don’t care what people do on Christmas
as long as they are happy) is because I know that these people I’ve lost will never get the chance to make an appearance for Christmas again.
And I’m sure I’ll miss a Christmas here or there, due to other trips, or work, or finances, or my own family, or just because I want to, and I need to accept that this is okay behavior too.